Sign Me Up

Junior high and high school. I’ve been there – and done that. And it wasn’t always easy. But lately I’ve been going through it again – only this time I’m the mom. And let me tell you, it’s no picnic the second time around.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I’m merely stating that I could use some help. You know; just a little direction while maneuvering my way through the mood swings and the madness.  

At this grade level, my kids can choose (within reason) which classes they’d like to take. Like Spanish or French. Band or Choir.

But here’s a thought. Wouldn't it be nice if someone could offer some crash courses for us parents? Here are a few ideas:

Mathematics:

• Calculus for the Clueless: Practical instruction for parents who managed to weasel   their way out of taking Calculus in high school and college.
  
• Essential Algebra: When (x + y) = confusion and chaos.
  
• From Grueling Geometry to Tedious Trigonometry: A parents’ guide to avoiding the tough questions.

Language Arts:

• Texting as a Second Language: Going beyond lol (laugh out loud), ttyl (talk to you later) and jk (just kidding).
  
• English Comprehension: Decoding the meaning behind your adolescent’s grunts, groans and inside jokes.

Abnormal Psychology:

• Understanding the mind of your teenager. This course focuses on conflict management; as well as strategies to eradicate mood swings and meltdowns. (Theirs and yours.) Also includes practical tools for eliminating those unpleasant behaviors such as whining, complaining, eye rolling and door slamming.    

Physical Education:

• Building Stamina for your Backside: A how-to guide for parents who sit on uncomfortable seating during their child’s activities. For example:
  Chapter 1: The Basics of Bleachers: Why must they be a pain in the backside? 
  Chapter 2: Folding Chairs: Friend or Foe?
• The Prepared Parent: Packing techniques for game day. Includes such topics as snacks, coolers, blankets, ponchos, lawn chairs, ibuprofen, umbrellas and more!

Drivers Education from the Passenger Seat:

• You’ve been driving for decades, but this class is specifically designed for parents while in the passenger seat. Topics to be covered:
  Chapter 1: Patience, Patience, Patience
  Chapter 2: Self-control: How to refrain from screaming except during true emergencies.
  Chapter 3: Managing Panic Attacks: Even you can stop reaching for that invisible emergency brake.

Principles of Accounting, Economics and Finance:

• Several important concepts will be studied in detail, including:
  Introductory Level: More Bang for your Buck: Hand-me-down jeans, second hand shirts and convincing both girls to “say yes to the dress.”
  Advanced Level: Managing your Cash Flow: How to stash cash for that never-ending lunch money and concession stand food. 

Art:

• This course is among the most challenging. Some parents never fully master the techniques. So what’s the central focus? Teenagers want freedom and parents want control. It’s a delicate, unpredictable balancing act. This class teaches parents the fine art of holding on while letting go.

So what do you think? 

I think I may be on to something. Anyone know where I can sign up?